Refinement

Refinement: the improvement or clarification of something by the making of small changes.

On February 24th, I received a call from our doctor confirming the T18 diagnosis.

In my head, I wasn't surprised. In my heart, I knew I wasn't done praying. The positive diagnosis came with a new set of numbers to mull over. The doctor informed me that there would a 10% chance that Sunny would make it to term and if she did, it was hard to know how long we would have with her - minutes, hours, maybe days. Chances were, she would pass away in my tummy sometime before then.

The amniocentesis was considered the "gold standard" of testing and the results carried a 99.9% accuracy. So now, we continued to pray for the 0.1% chance that Sunny would be healthy.

The several weeks that followed became the beginning stages of what I call a period of refinement. Every Sunday, the messages given at church included teachings of patience, waiting on God's timing and trusting in Him. It was truly like God was speaking directly to our hearts.

While we were completely heartbroken, we trusted in God's plan and His unwavering promise of Heaven. We knew that no matter what the outcome, we would see Sunny again and she would be perfectly healthy and whole.

We weren't given a timeline because the nature of Trisomy 18 is so unpredictable. We were told that one day Sunny could be completely healthy and things could look stable, but the next day her health could take a turn. We had to take it day by day. We had to learn to be patient through the pain, the tears, through the quiet, through the unknown.

We learned and put into practice the ability to find joy in things - joy and hope in the Lord and in the Word of God. Joy in our older kiddos and their activities. Joy spent with family and friends and joy in our marriage. I will tell you - it was everywhere. When you have no choice but to search for joy, it becomes easier to find.

Trust. Patience. Waiting. Learning. Searching. Hoping.

Refinement.